antm11

I’m really sorry for being so late, but I’m extremely busy with school. As of now I’m sure it’s filled with errors but just bear with me until I have time to fix it.

Anyways, we start off with the fourteen finalists all heading to the roof of some building in convertibles. Samantaha is missing her prom and graduation just like Brooke C7. Oh, and Sharaun IS America’s Next Top Model. I think we should start drinking game number two. So drink! Marjorie is from France and was homeschooled and is always uneasy. She is seriously so jumpy. Sweetie, they’re called chill pills.  Or sedatives.

The girls all meet up on the roof and are greeted by the Jays, who Nikeysha love. They go to their car in the bus that they had in Cycle 9. Samantha thinks “PaaaartY!”. No offense, but she seems really dumb. Hannah is from Alaska. Drink. No electricy or water. Drink! She’s excited. Sharaun pretends to be talking to Tyra on the phone. “Hey Tyra. I’m America’s Next Top Model?” Nikeysha comes up and hangs up the phone. “You’ve been disconnected”. Ha. Since I don’t like Sharaun, cool points for Nikeysha. The house has an entire hallway dedicated to Tyra’s Fiercee Awards. It was lame, in case you didn’t see it.

The girls start to question Isis about her transgenderness. I mean, seriously questioning the girl. She’s sitting there and pretty much all of the girls are huddled in a little crowd bombarding her with questions. Joslyn gets excited (well, actually I think it’s just her voice) and asks about how Isis keeps her junk in the trunk and hidden away. In case you wanted to know, the answer is tape. Which, ouch. Sharaun interviews that America’s Next Top Model is not going to be a drag queen, which is extremely bitchy and really messed up. The girls have a very brief “get to know each other” party and Marjorie refuses to tell them interesting stuff about her. Like I said before, chill pills girl.

Drama! Well, ish. Isis interviews that she’s going to take full advantage of having a pool in the backyard. She and McKey get along really well. McKey considers Isis as someone who is much more brave than herself. Isis likens transitioning to puberty, and McKey tells her that she’s like a butterfly. Cheesy, but aw. Cool points for McKey. In contrast to their lovelyness, Clark and Hannah are lounging by the hot tub discussing how Isis makes them uncomfortable. Clark says that if Isis were to walk around in her town, she would be shot. That is insanely messed up. Really? Really, Clark. That pisses me off so much. Clark says her view isn’t conservative, it’s traditional. Whatever. She’s also immature enough to call Isis a heshe. Clark’s next target is McKey, who is training her martial arts by beating a pillow. Which, granted, is kind of odd in a top model house, but McKey can do whatever she wants. And good for her, too. At least she’s fit.

TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow, it’s going to get really intimate in under a minute. I assure you it will be…magical. Love, Tyra.” The girls get on their bus and go to the Magic Castle, which Analeigh describes (with hand motions to go with it) as a big beautiful palace. The house creeps Samantha out, which I guess is ok because there’s really odd pictures everywhere. Ed Alonzo, who I think was on Saved by the Bell or something like that pops out. He does some magic and makes Nigel and Paulina appear. Sheena thinks that Nigel looks like a Ken doll. In orangeness, yes. Paulina looks lovely though. I’d like to note that her dress is the same as my homecoming dress, but whatever. The judges tell them that they will have one one ones with the girls. Marjorie is, of course, scared. In Ms J’s room, McKey comes in with some sort of jingly noise.

Ms J, : I just hear reindeer. Merry Christmas.”

Nice. Sharaun tells Paulina that she IS ANTM. Drink! Paulina, who I love, replies, “Oh really?” with that look on her face that tells me that she knows that ShaRuan is kind of a dumbass. Cool points for Paulina. ShaRaun meets Ms J. She IS ANTM. Again, Drink! She says the exact same to Nigel. Drink! She thinks she’s confident but not cocky. Whatever. Back with McKey and Paulina, Paulina asks her what she would do if a famous photographer wanted to have sex with McKey. McKey answers simply, “Walk up to him, kick him in the balls, punch him in the face, and walk away.” Good answers. Joslyn asks Ms J what’s his greatest tip about runway. He says to keep your day job, and both of them start cracking up like hyenas together. I’m confused, why was that funny. Nigel asks Marjorie who her favorite photographer is. She panicks and does her nervous giggle for a painful while. “You?”, she finally stutters with a nervous giggle. Poor dear. Isis talks to Nigel and knows her stuff. Nigel pretends to not know that Isis was not born physically female. Joslyn and Ms J are still cracking up. This reminds me of the lovely relationship that Toccarra and Ms J had way back in Cycle 3.

Back at home, the girls get free model basics. Yay. Marjorie and Sheena talk, and Sheena tries to give her tips to be more confident. Sheena sees Marj as a work in progress, and acknowledges that Marj is too hard on herself. Sheena is so nice. I originally disliked her preshow, but she is really a sweet girl. TYRA MAIL! “Fashion isn’t the only way to make a statement. Love, Tyra”.

They head out to their photoshoot, which has the girls pose with different themes that contribute to the idea of making voting sexy. Jay endorses the Tyra Bank Show. More importantly, Mike Rosenthal is the photographer. I like him. Marjorie is up first with the theme of immigration, which is fitting. She felt encouraged by being able to connect with the idea. She does really well, with lots of variety and that model awkwardness. Brittany is military, and looks good. Clark gets Bureacracy, and has no idea what it is. Ha. She doesn’t do well, and can’t smile with her eyes. Her face is dead. Which makes sense, because her nose can’t move. McKey starts off confused, but Jay tells her to bring her fighting into the photo, and McKey catches on. Clark interviews that McKey looked and is crazy. Whatever, she can’t talk when she did awful. Hannah’s theme is radiation. She knows that nuclear weapons are bad, but doesn’t know how she feels about them. O…kay? Elina’s theme is foreign policy, and she does well smiling with her eyes and making the shoot sexy. Isis’s issue is privacy, and Jay put girls behind her booth to represent people peeking in. They decide to be asses and make fun of Isis and distract her while she’s taking photos. She does well. Sheena is next, and her theme is energy. She is kind of hoochie, and has blue lipstick which is kinda gross. Joslyn does really really well with unemployment. Analeigh thinks that healthcare is very important, and looks really good during the shoot. I love Analeigh. Sharaun is repulsive to Elina. Ha. She doesn’t do well with homeland security. At all. And doesn’t know what convoluted means. Samantha thought that the shoot was cool (she had economy). Lauren Cheese did okay with education. Nikeysha’s topic was cloning. She had a lot of variety in her poses, but not in her face.

Finally, judging! Prizes, judges, yeah whatever. Marjorie is up first. They all loved the photo, but Nigel thinks she looks nervous. I don’t see the nerves. ShaRaun likes to spread her legs. He photo isn’t good. Clark had to guess what bureacracy meant by looking at the set. Her photo isn’t good either. Elina looked patriotic and sexy. Nikeysha talks too much and the judges get irritated with it. They think that she can’t take criticism. Samantha looks crazy, and her photo is ok. Her photo is awesome and doesn’t look like Joslyn at all. Analeigh’s photo is amazing to me, but Nigel doesn’t really like it. Paulina defends it, but tells her to find the light. Brittany’s military photo is good, and she looks really tall. Hannah’s photo is pretty bad. Sheena’s photo is good, but kind of hoochie. Tyra gives her decent advice and tells her to model the opposite of what she’s wearing to avoid being too obvious. McKey’s photo is amazing, but her film was atrocious. Clark didn’t look too happy when he aring that McKey’s photo was perfect. Lauren Brie’s photo is not good, and Lauren is pretty forgettable. Isis’s hair is a mess, but her photo is great.

Deliberation! Marjorie is universally loved in two languages, but is too nervous. ShaRaun is crazy. Elina isn’t sexy in person but takes good pictures. Samantha reminds Paulina of Cheryl Tiegs, but has one safe look. Nikeysha had a good photo, but talks over people. Clark sucks. Joslyn was really good. Analeigh should’ve used gymnastics and figure skating skills. Whatever, it’s healthcare. She doesn’t need to do twists and stuff. Hannah is sleeping on potential. Sheena has a slammin’ bod and is very Kimora like. McKey lucked into her shot, according to Nigel. Paulina disagrees. Lauren Brie’s forehead is attractive to Nigel. The judges like Isis.

The order is-

Marjorie.

Isis

McKey

Joslyn

Elina

Samantha

Brittany

Sheena

By the way, people just pointed out that she pointed out that Tyra has beer cans in her hair in her photo. Thanks! That is truly bizarre. I guess beer is truly the American way. I don’t know? Her stylist is an idiot.

I personally think Analeigh should’ve been called higher, Clark lower, and Samantha lower. ( If you haven’t noticed I kind of love Analeigh. Call me biased. Whatever.)

So that’s it for this week. Again, sorry for the delay.

It turns out that Analeigh used to be signed to I Models and Talent in LA. She has a ton of work photos.

They can be seen here- http://www.rtvgames.com/showpost.php?p=435372&postcount=358

Just letting you guys know, if you haven’t realized this is really long. I’m doing this for people who can’t watch the show for some reason. If you haven’t observed yet though, the episodes are on youtube, Tausili usually has them up pretty fast. If you can’t watch it, then reading this will catch you up.

It’s that time of the year again! Top Model is back with yet another lame/ridiculously cheesy casting theme, The Top Model Institute of Technology, where they “build better models”. (I know, right?)

We start off on the lovely bus, where girls are dancing and we meet Hannah from Alaska, who lived where running water, electricity and billboards do not exist. Let me promise you now that this isn’t the last time you’ll hear this tidbit. In fact, let’s start drinking to this fun fact about Hannah. Bet you’ll be drunk in an hour. Cheers! We also find out that there is a single Oriental girl, Sheena, who very dynamic walking down the streets of Harlem.

They stop at the Institute, where the very shiny Jays greet them. They give the “you were chosen out of thousands” speech and the girls run in and change into spandex jumpsuits. Sexy. We meet Marjorie, who thinks the idea of the Institute is fitting. Exciting stuff. She also likes 2001: Space Odyssey so points for Marjorie, even though it looks like she could possibly suck my blood when she smiles. They get “body scans” aka their photos taken, where we meet an overconfident ShaRaun and vegan and animal activist Elina, who is really pretty. We also meet Kacey, who looks kind of like a manlier version of Eugena with glasses. She assures us that she is not ghetto, and by ghetto she means “Layshaquida Laquinida”. Huh. Maybe that’s Whitney’s black best friend.

After their brief “scans”, they “analyze” their walks. We meet Isis who always practices her walk and is all about anything fashion-related. Blondie Clark believes that every time she walks, she intimidates people. She wants to tromp over people. Clark looks like a fox. Not foxy woman fox, but animal-fox. Joslyn from the South tells us that she tried over 30 times. In 11 cycles.

And the greatest part ever! TYRAA!!!!! The girls stop off at the “Glaminator” where they are supposed to step in and become glamified. Sheena, who is adorable if not a little bit dumb, is excited. “They got technology like that? Are we gonna come back like us or are we gonna be transformed into a robots or something? We don’t know!” I think she’s just trying to be nice about the stupidity of the situation. The Glaminator overloads, and Tyra pops out as Tyrabot in full Domo-Arigato-Mr.-Roboto-mode. She gives the 11th premiere speech that we’re all acquainted with. And some really bizarrely entertaining stuff.

Tyrabot: I’m looking for America’s next top…

Rabid girls: MODELS!!!

Tyrabot: I’m having a (insert Roboto move) little bit of a technical difficulty. I didn’t hear you!

Oh, Tyra. So clever. And even better, “Beam us up, fiercely!” and their cheesy affects make Alpha Jay (Ms J), Beta J, and Tyra disappear fiercely. The girls have to pretend like they don’t know what just happened.

Interviews

Sharaun- She’s hella confident, as she says. She does the most bizarre scream and then does this equally weird “throw emotion from my face away” gesture. I’m confused. She is America’s Next Top Model. And doesn’t know any fashion designers. She also has lucky Top Model undies scrunched up in her hand. Girl, please keep those in your pants.

Lauren Brie: Her dad’s the police chief and sometimes threatens her boyfriends sometimes. She’s interesting/weird looking.

Analeigh- First of all, she has really really nice legs. She was a competitive figure skater when she was young. I hope she didn’t have a partner; she’d probably tower over him. She has an interesting story. She was involved in a sex trafficking scheme where she was almost sold to the Prince of Saudi Arabia. Luckily she managed to get out of it. Analeigh talks with her hands a lot and has the greatest voice and hair. Think shampoo commercials. Cool points for Analeigh.

Clark- With no E. Clarke is ridiculously over confident, and has no insecurities. She thinks she’s the prettiest girl there. She also is willing to manipulate a girl. Bitchiness, if that’s what you wanna call it.

Kacey- She used to have a lot of white friends, but dropped them because they didn’t understand why she couldn’t go swimming with them. She can’t swim and her hair would get ruined, duh.

Marjorie- French music begins in the background, which is spiffy. She was born in Marceilles, and moved here when she was a kid. She was an ugly duckling, and is so nervous and highstrung that it makes me a little bit uncomfortable. But she seems like a sweetheart. And will probably get compared to Agyness Dean a lot. Tyra does the worst French impersonation ever.

We get some intermissions with a Soul Train and story time with some girls.

Veronique- She looks like Mollie Sims. And she’s Mormon.

Isis- Isis looks really short. We are reminded that she was one of the girls in the C10 homeless shoot. The judges loved her then and now. Then SHOCKER! She was born physically male. As if you didn’t know that. She always has considered herself as a female. She’s pre-op and wants the surgery.

And then, the drama! A few girls have created the Itty Bitty Titty Committee at the Institute. Kacey astutely notes that Isis looks manly and flat chested. She signals for Isis to come over, and Isis admits that she’s not physically female. The girls let this spread like wildfire. Sheena, ever the sweetheart, commends Isis for her spirit and confidence. I commend Sheena for not being and ass. And give her cool points. A lot of girls wonder how she got through if this is a women’s competition. Clark bitchily interviews that if Isis gets in her way, she’ll “stomp that man right out of the competition”. What an ass.

Sheena- Imagine a black girl in an Asian. Meet Sheena. Or Kimora Lee and Sandra Oh morphed together. She’s half Japanese and half Korean, but has so much flavor. (I hope you realize when I’m saying stuff and they’re saying stuff. I’m not crazy). She has a little conversation with Ms J (sorry, I mean Alpha J) in Japanese, which gives both some cool points. Unlike Gina, she accepts all flavors and colors of men. Sheena has the largest boobs I’ve ever seen on an Asian. Her body is really curvy and not at all model-like.

We get a Whitney number two. It’s like they’re twin. AND she’s too skinny for a plussie. Again.

Brittany R- She’s black and Native American. She was on Vegas Weekly Magazine. She’s kind of boring. And maybe has a moustache?

Hannah is from Alaska. Drink!

Hannah- Hannah is from Alaska again! Cheers! And no electricity or running water! Cheers! She was chased by a moose, and Tyra makes her act it out. Hannah’s really hyper and talks with her hands a lot. And Tyra teaches us that moose sound like “BaHEEEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEE”!

Cue dance montage and Joslyn.

Joslyn- She has the squeakiest voice ever. And she has a Southern Accent. It’s crazy. The judges make her do a commercial for towels, and she looks and sounds retarded. “The towel will give you a wet-free body!” She looks really muscular.

Elina- She’s a vegan and animal liberation activist. She was shocked by the meat photoshoot from last season, and only wears black and pants because it’s not gender specific. O…kay? Tyra asks if she’s a lesbian, and she just says that she’s a very sexual person who loves everyone. Tyra says she doesn’t look like a model. Whatever, Elina is pretty. Her body is kind isn’t really that great and her head is large, but whatever.

Back in the room with all of the girls, they talk about lesbians. Elina admits that she’s had relationships with women before, that she loves women. Kacey thinks Elina is weird. I think Kacey is a bitch. Elina likes Clark because she reminds her of somebody she wanted to date. She likes converting girls.

Nikeysha- She says Heeyyy! a lot and flashes people.

Brittany S- Whichever, I’m calling her McKey. She is the corner person for her boyfriend and is an ultimate fighter. She has the model look.

Samantha- She looks really scared and sweaty. She says she could change the industry, but knows nothing about the industry. She’s an athlete, and looks really stubby. I instantly dislike her.

They have eliminations now. They get their hands scanned, and a computer tells them “access granted” or “access denied”.

They do a photo shoot with big silver balls and more metallic catsuits and then Tyrabot and the Jay’s discuss the girls. Analeigh looks like a star and has wind in the hair. Analeigh always has a peace sign necklace on. Nikeysha does the Heeyyy thing too much. Elina is intimidating but can move around a set. Brittany R looks very ethnically diverse. Brittany R has nice lips. Brittany B. has energy. Marjorie would only fit into European looking shows. Isis has pretty eyes and could be a great model. Samantha is commercial. Joslyn is bubbly. Lauren is creepy but angelic looking. Clark is too pretty pretty which is ugly ugly. Hannah does the robot in her picture. They love Sheena.

The final fourteen are: Sheena, Analeigh, Nikeysha, Marjorie, Samantha (who says, “square!” What?), Elina, Brittany R (who stays as Brittany), Brittany S, who is McKey, and Brittany B, or Sharaun, Hannah, Lauren Brie, Isis, Clark, and Joslyn.

The other girls cry. Sharaun still has her stupid undies. Hannah is from Alaska. Drink! No billboards. Drink! Sheena says, “I’m gonna show you America you ain’t ready for this yellow fever! One time for the ASIANSSSS!” Aw. As an Asian, I kinda love Sheena.

Episode 2 will be up eventually.

So far, cool points have gone out to Marjorie, Analeigh, Ms J, and Sheena.

And you have had 5 drinks, I think.

Oh, and if you get bored, it’s kind of fun to watch Clark’s nose stay in place all the time. It’s kind of entertaining

As you can see… I haven’t been able to keep up with episode recaps this cycle.  IRL stuff has been getting in the way, and from the looks of it, will continue to.  So now I’m looking for volunteers to do recaps after each episode and post them here for the benefit and entertainment of the readers.  Let me know if you’re interested, as I would like to keep this site up, but don’t have time to update it weekly.

Elina is a lesbian, who has a crush on Clark.  SHOCKER!  Because obviously it’s been far too long since we’ve had c5-type drama.  Personally, I know I could do without the romantic-interest/sexual tension in this show… I’m far more interested in the modeling aspect, or even the catfight aspect.  After all, it’s ANTM, not Rock of Love or The Bachelorette.